Sunday, January 13, 2013


I remember vividly when I found out about the tragedy at Sandyhook.
I was at my elementary school when I walked into the office, headed towards our main secretary, and was greeted with a horrified look on Nita's face.

I quickly asked what was going on and she turned her computer to show me the breaking news...
at that point only 6 were known dead...
my heart broke and chills flew up my entire body.

I tried hard not to cry all day at work
but oh man once I got home I sat on my couch, watched the news, and let the tears run.
This tragedy hit all of us hard.
The nation's heart broke.

I found myself thinking constantly about my kids
(school and future)
and the world that they are forced to grow up in.
I hate to admit this but I leave school almost daily just mentally beat up.
My emotional self has a hard time handling the constant play of zombies, shooting eachother, "I played my video games all weekend", bullying, no remorse, and finding others hurt as funny.
Are you appalled?
You should be.
Its horrific.
Because I work in special ed-
the kind where if you glanced at the kids you wouldn't know they had special needs-
I have a first hand look at kids with all sorts of struggles and issues...
some of which are very much mental.
Have any of you read this article?
It is amazing and perfect and beautifully written.
It sheds a lot of light.
And I feel especially empathetic because it reminds me of some of my kids.
One in particular

Let me tell you a story...and brace yourself.
There is a 9 year old boy who I think about always and who constantly breaks my heart.
The first month of school he neither smiled nor laughed nor talked much.
He was quiet and withdrawn and well behaved.
My mistake was thinking he was a sweet simple well behaved boy.
There was so much more going on beneath that exterior...
and we discovered it when his medicine was changed mid semester.
All of a sudden all hell broke loose and its still running out of the gates.
He feels no remorse
constantly lies
sometimes a negative leader
sometimes a negative follower
only draws pictures of guns, grenades, bombs, blood, and shootings.
Once said to me, "Im going to laugh when Mrs. B gets hit by a bus" "It'd be really funny if she broke her leg or something" "Im violent...ya im violent!" -he said that proudly may I add.

You guys
this boy comes from a rough family life
(which plays a MAJOR role)
but he also has plenty of issues and was in a 'emotionally disturbed'
classroom before he was in ours.
He is a prime example of the article I linked earlier.
This country does need to talk about gun control.
BUT I personally believe that mental health problems are more important in these specific cases.
It is a big deal, one not to be taken lightly.
If there is any way we can shed more light and help the cause PLEASE do not hesitate to do so.
Lets try and make our kids' lives safer, as well as their futures.


On a slight brighter side I want to let you know that schools/districts are making incredible choices to work to make our schools the safest possible.
I attended a crisis/lockdown training this week and boy was I impressed.
The work orders put in and the plans made are amazing.
The new rules and policies implemented are geared toward being THE very safest...not always the most convenient...but the safest and that is what we care about.

Our schools are working hard to keep your children safe.
That is our very first priority.
Terrible things happen
but thinking about the goodness in people helps make us feel a bit better.

On another happy note:
We had a lockdown drill last week:
Lights off
In the corner
and not opening the door for anyone.
(Not even their Prinncipal pounding on the door asking to be let in)
Our kids did not make a kinders, no special ed, no one.
They were silent.

These littles are quite remarkable you know-they really are our future.